Wednesday, October 28, 2015
First, review the rubric for the definition essay. If you lost your physical copy, I have uploaded an electronic version on the class website in the subpage titled "Definition Essay."
Next, read this student sample definition essay.
After you read the entire essay, determine which grade the essay deserves for each category on the rubric (organization/focus, support, style, conclusion, formatting/mechanics, revision/work time). Add these scores up to determine the final grade you would give this essay.
In the comment section of this blog, please write the cumulative grade you think this essay deserves. To explain the final grade, make sure you discuss in around 150-200 words the scores you gave for the other sections and why you gave them each score.
By the end of your post, I should clearly know why that student deserved the grade you gave.
If you would like extra credit, please comment on someone else's comment.
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I gave the overall essay a 112/120. The essay overall was written very well. The author clearly defined the word contentment and used various sources to get her point across. These are the reasons I gave her a 93%:
ReplyDeleteOrganization/focus- 23/25; The paragraphing is logical and very well organized. The topic is connected throughout the entire essay and it is clear as to what the topic is. Transitions are needed to make the essay flow better.
Support- 34/35; There are ample amounts of support to show a common definition of the word. There is not a lot of elaboration on the quotes. It feels somewhat choppy and as if the quotes were in there just to take up space.
Style- 25/25; There are many different types of examples throughout the essay and the author's voice is very clear.
Conclusion- 10/10; The conclusion sums up the essay very well. The author restates the thesis statement and adds a relevant quote to conclude the essay.
Formatting/Mechanics- 10/15; There are multiple punctuation mistakes and the quote citations could have been different.
Revision/Work Time- 10/10; It is clear that there was time spent revising.
I agree with your first grade of a 23/25 on organization and focus because I also believe that the author of the essay did a nice job of staying on the topic so that it was clear to her audience what she was writing about.
DeleteThis student stayed organized and focused throughout their essay. Each paragraph fits nicely and can be read smoothly. Their transitions seemed kind of bland and simple, however. Because of this I have to take off some points. I would give them a 23/25 on Organization and Focus. This student had a lot of support in their essay. Not all sources are synthesized to fit the thesis and the writer did not explain who these people are and why we care. I would give this student a 30/35 on Support. I believe the style of this essay was one of the best things. With a wide variety of strong words and the clarity of how it is phrased, I am forced to give this student a 25/25 on style. The conclusion does a nice job of wrapping the essay up, but I believe it is too short and needs a little more detail. Because of this I would give the Conclusion a 8/10. Little grammar mistakes and perfect formatting forces me to give this essay a 10/10 on Formatting. Their is signs of revision and I am assuming this student went to the write place so by default I must give the student a 10/10 on formatting. The final grade for this paper is 110/120, which is an A.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you said about the paragraphs being well written, allowing them to be read very smoothly. The student used great examples to show that there were many different definitions depending on who you were asking and where they lived. I also agree with what you said about how not all of the sources are synthesized as best as they could be. The student would talk about the sources wbut would quickly go right back to talking about what she was talking about before. I don't think that this student used a lot of strong/powerful words in their paper. I feel like those words were missing from their paper.
DeleteI think this essay deserved a B. Their thesis was clearly identified at the end of their introduction, but I feel like the writer could’ve used a better hook than a quote in their introduction. While the writer properly organized their paper in point-by-point format, the writer didn’t maintain proper focus throughout the essay. In the second body paragraph, the writer went off topic and started summarizing a novel, which didn’t support their thesis very much. The writer used varying syntax, stylistic word choice, and a lot of quotes from many different sources. However, the writer didn’t take the time to analyze these quotes and examples, which would make it difficult for the reader to understand why they support the thesis. Overall, I would give 20 points for Organization/Focus, 27 for Support, 22 for Style, 9 for Conclusion, 14 for Formatting/Mechanics, and maybe 10 points for Revision/Work Time. This would add up to an 85% for the essay.
ReplyDeleteI gave it a B, too! :)
DeleteI agree with you and I am really impressed with some of the ideas that you thought of when going through the rubric and the essay; I didn't even acknowledge how much summarizing the novel was hurting the student! That is such a good thing to notice though because it is undoubtedly true. Although the novel relates to the idea that the student is trying to convey, they need to get their point across sooner in regards to the novel, otherwise it will become more of a book review than an essay! I also agree that the essay was significantly lacking in evidence, and this made it hard to hear the student's voice. This also took away from the overall definition that the student was supporting because they only used quotes, quotes, and more quotes, without fully identifying their own ideas throughout the paper.
I agree!! :)
I gave this student a 108/120. I believe that this paper was very well written. The overall organization and focus of the paper was logical and clearly stated the topic, while still staying focused on the thesis. The support for this student was also well written. Each paragraph has an obvious purpose and provided support for the definition too. The sources were not synthesized as well as they could be but there was still some support given. The style was not bad but could've used some work. The author did not really have a tone that fit the definition and there were not a lot of strong or specific words that were used. There was however a lot of different types of examples in the paper. The conclusion may have not left any loose ends, but it wasn't a very powerful conclusion. The student ended their paper with a quote. The formatting of this paper met the MLA standards and the student properly cited works throughout the paper, but the student had some minor errors throughout their paper. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there but nothing too bad.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the sources were not synthesized as well as they could of been. This is especially noticeable in paragraph one It seemed like you gave a better grade then I thought you should have after reading the errors. What is wrong with ending your paper with a quote, I thought it was a very powerful quote.
DeleteIn the organization category I would give the student a 22 because she does not used very sophisticated transition but she stays focused on her thesis and topic throughout the entire essay. In the support category I would give her a thirty-two because there is an amplitude of support however it seemed to me like she let the sources do the talking and did not deeply analyze them. For style I would give the student a twenty three because she has a strong voice but repeats her sentence starters. I thought the conclusion perfectly summed up the essay so I would give it a ten. Her formatting and mechanics score would be a fifteen since the only mistake I saw was that she put a period before her in text citation once. Finally, for the revision and work time category I would give her the score of a ten inferring that she used her time adequately. Overall, I would give this essay a score of 112 out of 120, which is an A.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your overall score, especially in the organization category. The author did not use strong transitions but she did still stay focused on her topic throughout the essay. I also agree with your support score because she gave support she just did not elaborate as much as she could have on her sources.
DeleteOrganization and Focus
ReplyDeleteI believe that the organization and focus of this essay were pretty good because the author stays on topic the whole paper and doesn’t just start talking about random things that don’t pertain to containment. 24/25
Support
I think that the support was ok. Some of the things she talked about seemed like they needed more support such as at the end of the last body paragraph and how Mr. Ross talks about money. Here she could have added more support here to this claim but chose not to. So I would give this a 31/35
Style
I think that this author has a very specific style of writing that definitely stands out when you read it. I know the person who wrote this essay and I can hear her voice through her essay. This is good because you don’t want your essay to be too “robotic” - you want to have nice flow. She also uses strong words that make her essay more interesting. 25/25
Conclusion
I would say that the conclusion was overall pretty well written but she could have maybe written another sentence or 2 to make it even better. But I think I will still give her a 9/10.
Formatting and Mechanics
I think her mechanics were pretty great. I didn’t notice anything is particular but however I am not a teacher and knowing high school students she probably missed something so I’m going to give her a 14/15. The one thing she did well was quote integration.
Revision
Because we are not sure how much she revised, I’m just going to assume that she did and give her a 10/10
Total - 113/120
I gave the essay, 115/120 I thought this essay was really good. I gave Organization a 25/25. Everything was really well done and I thought that it flowed and was organized perfectly.
ReplyDeleteSupport 33/35. I thought it was excellently done its just that it was kind of choppy at points and the middle paragraph wasn't as formatted well, just quotes thrown in there.
Style 25/25 No issues in this section everything was perfect from what I read.
Conclusion 10/10. This conclusion was excellent and I thought it wrapped up the essay perfectly. The quote was an excellent addition as well.
Formatting 12/15 I saw a few mistakes including some possible grammar and some easy punctuation mistakes that could be spotted from a mile away.
Revision 10/10 From what I guess he/she read it over.
I gave this student a 115/120. I thought this student did an excellent job at defining what contentment is. They used a great variety of sentence starters and interesting transitions. The paper was in MLA format and I did not see any spelling or grammatical errors. The organization of the essay was logical and made everything flow nicely together. When reading this, I could hear the author's voice though the personality in the essay. I loved how the conclusion tied everything together and ended with a closing thought from an interview. The last sentence is short, but it leaves a lasting impact when you read it. I took off points for the support section of the rubric. I thought the writer could have explained the quotes a little more thoroughly and I thought the thesis could have been stronger. Because of this, I gave the student a 32/35 in support. I also gave the student a 23/25 in organization/focus because the writer got a little off topic in the second body paragraph. All in all, I took off 5 points for support and focus, but this student definitely deserved an A.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your thoughts on the student's conclusion. I feel like most of the time we as students are told to not end our conclusions with quotes because we are supposed to analyze them, however I think the quote summed up the essay and left the reading reflecting on their own life like you mentioned. You also noted that you could hear the author's voice throughout the essay, something that I also believed. To me her voice was the most prominent in the conclusion since that is when she stepped back from what other people were saying and summed up her ideas of what contentment is and then allowed the quote from someone else to sum it all up.
DeleteOverall The paper was written in a good format with a pretty good flow. For there organization and focus they got a 23 out of 25, it was pretty good but there were some digressions with staying focused mainly on the thesis. There support was very good they had multiple quotes and examples that showed and explained there point about contentment and society, explanations were clear and full they should get a 35 for this section. The conclusion was kinda of weak compared to the other parts of the paper, but it did conclude the essay with out leaving the reader questioning so the conclusion deserves a 7. The style and formatting were both done well but there were a few things they could of done better like adding bigger more concise words instead of less interesting words so that would give them a 22 for style and 10 for formatting. Revision and work time would receive a 10 because there were no sign's of wasting time while working on there essay. Overall the student would of recieved a 107 out of 120.
ReplyDeleteOrganization/Focus: 25/25: the author clearly stays on track throughout the whole essay and uses good transitions throughout the story. The author never really goes off track.
ReplyDeleteSupport: 35/35: The author continuously gives great support throughout the whole story. Additionally, all sources are synthesized well and all required sources are used.
Style: 23/25: While the essay is pretty good for the most part, it is lacking slightly in tone. The author could have done a better job of implementing some of their own voice into the writing more. Also, the word choice could have been a bit better than what it was. There weren't that many bold words.
Conclusion: 9/10: The conclusion did do a good job of tying up all the "loose ends" and concluding the story, however, I was not a fan of ending the story on a quote the way that they did.
Formatting: 15/15: All citations appear to be properly cited and works cited appears to be in correct format.
Revisions/work time: 10/10: The essay does appear to have been revised.
Total score: 117/120: Overall, this essay was a great example of how the paper should look and followed all of the guidelines.
I would agree with you on the fact that you gave this writer a 35/35 on the support section. The reader uses many different examples from many different people throughout their entire essay and I feel like you talked about that in your description on why you gave them a perfect score.
DeleteOrganization/focus: I gave a 24/25. For the whole paper she stayed on topic, and supported her thesis with good support. However, they had some trouble with transitions when going from one source to the next. At one point she was trying to go from a personal interview quote to the story about the homeless man and didn’t explain the quote at all then just jumped to the next part.
ReplyDeleteSupport: I gave a 32/35. I took two points away for not explaining who the people were that she interviewed. It was almost awkward to just be like “___ said this” when no one knows who that is. Then I took one point off for not explaining some of the quotes. She did have a good variety of quotes though which made it interesting to read.
Style: I gave her a 24/25 because it her voice was clear and fun to read, but the used the word content/contentment a lot and I think she could have found synonyms for it.
Conclusion: 9/10. She ended the paper very well, but ended with a quote so I took one point away for that.
Formatting: 15/15. I only found one mistake and it was so minor that I didn’t take off any points.
Revision: 10/10 because I wasn’t here to see her write it so I assume she was good.
Total: 114/120
After reading over everything in the student sample essay, I would give this student a score of 118 out of 120. This was a very well put together essay with very minor mistakes. For the first section of organization and focus, I would get this writer a 23/25 on this section. The reason that I would mark him two points off because one thing that I could find in this essay is not having that sophisticated transitions. They were just “ok” transitions that did the job, but not pulling in the reader. The second category of support, I would give this student a perfect score! With category holding the most points in it, I thoroughly read through the entire essay to see if I could mark him/her off with something and there just was not anything that stood out to me that was wrong. Style was the next skill that was being graded on and I felt that this writer got a 25/25. The reason that I say this is because he met all of the requirements and more. One that he hit on the head was using a lot of different types of examples throughout their essay that really impressed me as the reader. For the next three sections that were on the rubric, I gave the writer perfect scores on all of those sections because he/she made sure that each category within each section was touched on to make sure that they got the full points for the section.
ReplyDeleteI gave this essay a 106/120. The essay was very simply and easy to follow but didn't seem like there was much of a point to what the student was writing about. For organization, I gave the student a 22/25. Although the topic was clear, the paragraphs were messy with quotes and the second body paragraph was just more information being explained from the first paragraph. I gave the student a 30/35 for support. The paragraphs didn't seemed to have much of a purpose and they were filled with too many quotes. In the first paragraph I couldn't tell if the author was talking about what the word means, how it changes overtime, or the various definitions for these words. If he/she wanted to talk about all three of these, they should've separated them into separate paragraphs. I thought the author had very good style (25/25). The tone was positive to go along with the positive definition of the word and they used a variety of different sentence structures. The conclusion got a 9/10 because it did a good job of tying everything together so the essay made more sense, but they ended it with a quote. Formatting and Mechanics received a 10/15. The author added a quote at the end of a paragraph and it created a large fragment sentence. Also they could've cited the sources better by shortening the sources in the parenthesis.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading over this essay I gave it the score of 115. I gave this score because I thought that overall that it was a strong essay and flowed well. For organization/focus, I gave a 23. It is a good score but, some of the transitions weren't the smoothest. For the support I gave it a 33. There was full explanation of the definition but it was mainly focused on the Dalai Lamas' quotes. Its' style was good, I gave it a 24. The conclusion was a 10. It had everything that was needed. For formatting/mechanics I gave it a 15. It had everything necessary. For revision/work time, I gave it a 10 because I assumed that all of the requirements were met.
ReplyDeleteI would give this student an A on the essay. it was very well written had a few mistakes but nothing too bad. organization/focus I gave it a 23 everything is good except the transitions they could have been better, would have made it smoother on us to read. I gave the support 32 because we don't know who the person who wrote the essay interviewed and it makes it less interesting because we don't know their background. She uses enough support and they are well explained towards the thesis. For the style I gave it a 25. she does a good job using strong/specific words the words she uses gives off her personality and the overall tone of the essay. I gave her a 10 Very meaningful and restated the thesis and what the word meant to her. captured the definition and stated it very well.
ReplyDeleteThis student wrote a very well and put together essay. I believe that he/she deserves an A. For organization and focus I would give the student a 24/25 just becuase the transitions were there, but, not that exciting. For the support I am going to give the student a 32/35 becuase the information given to back up the point was some what repetetive. Style the student should get a 25/25 becuase he/she met all of the requirements listed. As for the conclusion, it ties everything together and leaves the reader with a strong finish. The conclusion deserves a 10/10. I would give formating and mechanics a 12/15 becuase the citing needed some work. Also, putting a quote at the end of a paragraph just does not work. Overall the student scored a 103/110 which is a 93%.
ReplyDeleteThe essay on Contentment was overall pretty good I thought. For the organization part of the grade I gave it a 25 because it was clear throughout the essay what the student was talking about and it didn't seem like they digressed much. I would also give them a 35 for support because they interviewed the five people plus two additional sources. This support was incorporated well throughout. For style I would give them a 23 because the style of the writing wasn't really shown because of all the examples used. Conclusion I gave a 10 because it summed everything up nicely. For the Formatting I gave it a 12 because the works cited page was started on the same page as the last paragraph and I think it should be on its own page. I didn't see any errors at first glance so I gave it a 10. So overall the score is a 115/120. Overall I thought it was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of organization/focus, I would give the student a 23 because he remained focused and his paragraphs were organized well, however his transitions were okay. It wasn't anything too exciting and they can be improved.
ReplyDeleteFor support, I would give him a 32 because he didn't explain things fully. He just used his quotes to support his argument, which is great, but didn't take it a step further and explain why they are important and how they show his definition of contentment.
For style, I would give him a 23 because his sentences did vary, but his voice didn't really stand out to me. I would have liked to seen more of his explanations to hear more of his voice in the essay.
I would give his conclusion a 10. I think he wraps up his essay effectively and his last sentence really sums up what he has to say.
I would give him a 14 because he had a couple grammar and citation mistakes.
Overall, he deserves to receive a 93% or an A.
I would give this student a score of 106/120, which is a fairly generous B. In terms of organization and focus, the student does remain focused and the topic is clearly identified through fairly logical and appropriate paragraphing. However, in terms of "sophisticated transitions," I must take off 1 or 2 points. The transitions exist, but they are ultimately not the best ones that the student could have used. Moving on, I feel the student's overall support is what lost him/her the most points. A solid majority of their arguments are entirely quotes/evidence with no analysis or personal voice at all. The object of this essay is to take all this evidence and add it to your own personal definition of said word, and then convince the reader of your new definition using the evidence. It is not to just spew evidence and quotes at the reader and hope they are following along with your thoughts perfectly. On that same note, I also found it hard to really hear the student's voice; voice is a huge part of style and without it, there is only so much anyone can do. Even more, the conclusion does not fully satisfy the rubric, in my opinion. Although the essay does not necessarily leave me with any questions, I am not sure it really "ties up loose ends" either. Also, the last sentence is supposed to be very strong and in a sense, the student's own thoughts. I understand that sometimes someone else takes the best words right out of your mouth, and that is what you want to use, but that concluding sentence should be the student's own thoughts. As a final point, there were more than 3 grammar/MLA formatting mistakes; thus, the student lost points in this section as well. And, since we do not know anything about the revision history, I just left that at 10 points. Overall, this adds up to 106/120, which is about and 88%.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to analyze the analysis part... whoops thanks for reminding me. You convinced me I should have taken off 4 more points than what I suggested. Thanks for another point of view on the subject!
DeleteI would give this essay a 115/120. I thought this was a really strong essay that included a variety of strong evidence that supported the claim. I gave it a 22 for organization. Overall, it flowed well, but the second paragraph was a little lengthy and it was hard to remember the main point of it; it would have been more effective to be split up. I gave it a 33 for support because there was a ton of strong evidence, but some analysis could have been a little more in depth. For example, the author could have analyzed Carolbeth Kraft's account of a time when she was content a little more. I gave it a 25 for style. I thought the author had great variety of sentence structure and word choice and that his/her voice was prevalent throughout. I gave the conclusion a 10. It tied up loose ends and the last sentence summed up the paper well and was a statement that I remember. The formatting was good as well, so I gave it a 15 for this category. Overall, I think this was a very strong essay that clearly defined contentment.
ReplyDeleteOrganization/ Focus- 23/25. I took off 2 points for this category because the writers paragraphing is a little confusing to me. While the paragraphs do all stay on topic of contentment they are kind of put together in a very random way. I also took off a point because the transitions were not great, they were all kind of basic.
ReplyDeleteSupport- 34/35. The support was great and definitely added to her paper and what her individual view seemed to be, but it was not integrated in well. The writer would just say he said, she said, they did not give background to who these people were or what the sources where. While they all made sense I could not tell why they were important, there was no background to the sources.
Style- 23/25. I took off a few points because while it was interesting to read it seemed very repetitive. The writer said contentment a lot! I think they could have found some good synonyms, to not only make the paper less repetitive, but also to add to the word, and how it could be used differently.
Conclusion- 10/10. I thought the conclusion summed up her paper and ideas very well. I would not always agree with ending with a quote but I think this quote added to her paper in a positive way.
Formatting/ Mechanics- 15/15. I myself am not very good with citations but the writers citations looked good to me that is why I gave them a perfect for citations.
Revision/ Work Time- 10/10. There were not a lot of grammar mistakes and things so I think that makes me assume that the writer took time to revise and work through this essay.
Overall Score- 115/120
This paper seemed well thought out overall. It’s evident that the student has planned their writing ahead. I deducted no points from the organization/focus sections from the rubric. It was easy to follow through and follow the writer’s thought process. I however deducted ten points from the support section because the reader doesn’t fully explain each and every quote they used in their paper. Organization seemed thought out by ideas. The conclusion has raised some questions to me regarding the quote at the end. There needed to be an explanation as to why Carolbeth Kraft thought that way. MLA format seemed correct; however the Works Cited should always be on a separate piece of paper, thus I deducted 5 points. The writer’s score totals up to be 105/120. This student is a very good job setting up the paper to ideas. It was easy to see her definition of contentment.
ReplyDeleteI gave the essay a 114/120, which is an A. For the organization and focus section, I gave him a 23/25. The main reason for this was that I felt he had weak transitions. They were present but they were very unoriginal and bland. He did remain focused though and that was very good but his tone also was relatively weak at times. I gave him a 35/35 for the support because he used all required sources and used them all in conjunction with each other to prove his point. For the style section I gave a 22/25. This grade was so much lower because I just didn't hear his voice very often. Most of the essay was the support but the biggest problem was that his explanation was just an explanation and not much more. I gave his Formatting a 15/15 because the essay was properly formatted and contained a correctly done Works Cited section. The mechanics was perfect as well. 10/10 for the conclusion because it gave a clear ending to the essay and it ended with one of her best pieces of evidence as a great closing statement.
ReplyDeleteI believe that this essay is great at focusing in on the subject of contentment. I really liked how the author flows from an initial understanding of contentment and the from the second paragraph comes a blossom of the deeper understanding of the word. There is also an intro and conclusion, so I gave the author a 25/25 for organization and focus. Support is well done, though the student responses could have been more meaningful or carried more weight in the paper. They used all types of sources, so I gave the author a 35/35. Sentence structure wasn't varied up too much. There weren't too many wow-ing words either. The authors tone does reflect the definition and flow of the essay, so I would give style a 21/25. I really liked the conclusion, and it did tie up loose ends and the last sentence is definately very strong. 10/10 for conclusion. Formatting was a little weird with the quotes. The subject of the sentence switched from he to you to I in one sentence with a quote in it. Also ending quotation marks go before the period. They also didn't end a quote early enough in order to follow the list like way he/she set up at the end of paragraph 2. I give formatting a 9/15. Revision I cannot judge, so 10/10. In total the essay obtains a 110/120, which is an A.
ReplyDeleteI gave this student a 110/120 for this essay. As an entire essay I thought that it was very effective in stating the definition of contentment, however, there were moments when it became quite dry. First off, I gave the student a perfect score for the organizational aspect of the writing (25). I thought that the flow of the writing was laid out in a coherent and logical way; leading the reader to understand the progressions of each main idea. For support I took of 5 points because I thought that other than the quotes themselves there wasn't as much analysis for the quotes. Instead there were a few times were only one sentence was used to explain an idea; quickly ushering the reader to another quote explaining a different take on coherence. After, I gave the student a 25 on style because I thought the entire paper flew very well and transitions made the essay very easy to transfer. In terms of the conclusion and the work and revision time I gave it a 10 because I thought it was well done and the conclusion was well written. However, I did find a large sentence fragment in the last in text quote they used. It is because of this I gave them a 10/15.
ReplyDeleteOverall, this student captured the essence of what being content means with adequate support, excellent organization, and a fair amount of style and voice. This paper definitely deserves no lower than a B and easily an A. If I were to grade section by section then the first portion, organization/focus, deserves a 24/25. The paragraph structure follows a logistical formatting, the topic is always clear, and the only point off would be due to a lack of "sophisticated transitions" which are apparent at a few points but none in others. The support section would receive 33/35 because although every point is supported by a number of sources, some of the explanations are rushed in places that could have used another sentence of explanation but other than that the other parts are fulfilled. Next, the style section would only get 22/25 because although the author doesn't have any grammatical errors nor real issues, there is an apparent lack in their voice and fluctuation in sentence structure making the paper less entertaining in, as best I can describe it, the subconscious or background whilst reading. The conclusion does an excellent job of tieing all the points together and ending with a statement the the "reader will remember" recieveing a 10/10. The final sections, formatting and mechanics as well as revision/work time, are harder to grade due to their nature, but based off of what is shown I don't see reason to deduct points from either of these sections, hence my giving them a 15/15 and 10/10 respectively. In total, I gave this student 114/120, a 95%, for their adequate addressing of the definition but losing a few points due to not being fully developed in sentence variation, voice/style, and explanations.
ReplyDeleteFor this whole essay I would give this student a 103/120 which turns out to be like an 85% on the paper. I believe that is a fair grade for this paper.
ReplyDeleteOrganization/Focus 20/25 -
I would give this student this grade because although the person had transitions they weren’t very strong and I believe that the person could have done better with them. On the bright side the person did stay on topic throughout this entire essay, but in some parts of the essay I thought it hard to understand what they were trying to say.
Support 30/35 -
I would give this person this grade because I thought that at times it was difficult to understand what the person was trying to get across. I liked how they asked a variety of people which gave them a good a chance to see how different people look at contentment differently. The story about the fisherman in the middle was confusing however. Also I felt like when he/she said a quote about a friend they didn’t explain why this quote from their friend helps their definition all the time.
Style 19/25-
This person I felt like had a harder time getting a good style across in their paper. They used all the examples necessary, but some of the examples didn’t help this person in their cause because it wasn’t explained well. I did feel like you got the person’s voice in this essay though so that is a big plus.
Conclusion 10/10-
I would give this person a 10 out of 10 because I think their conclusion sums up what they are trying to say about contentment. Ending with a quote was risky but I believe it turned out really well for them and was the perfect way to end this story.
Formatting/Mechanics 14/15 -
I would give this person this grade because the transitions were great and the MLA format was correct for the most part throughout the paper. This person got docked on points because there were a couple of grammatical error, and they didn’t have the last name page number heading so I thought it was only fair to take one point off.
Revision/ Work Time 10/10 -
I gave this person a 10 out of 10 because you can tell that they had someone read over it, by how it seems to flow well and there are few mistakes.
I would give this essay a 112/120. I gave it a 23 out of 25 for the organization. The writer has two well developed paragraphs that are in a logical order. The writer uses a variety of transitions through out the essay as well. I gave it a 30 out of 35 on the support section. The second body paragraph has nice synthesis and plenty of information. The information is on topic too. The first body paragraph has good information as well but it is all from interviewing people. I would have liked to see another type of source in the this paragraph to further improve the synthesis. I gave the essay a 24 out of 25 on the style portion of the rubric. Overall the essay is well rounded in this category the only thing I would suggest is to have one or two more examples to balance out all of the interview quotes there are. I gave the conclusion a 10 out of 10. It closes the essay nicely and does not leave the reader guessing at what the writers opinion is on the topic. It also has a strong closing sentence. I gave it a 7 out of 10 on the MLA part of the rubric. The citations should be on another sheet of paper. Finally I gave it a 8 out of 10 on the revision because there were a few phrases that seemed a bit confusing and could use some rewording.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I think that this essay was strong. Some of the wording could have been better, along with a more in-depth connection between the quotes and the definition. For organization, I would give it a 21. I felt the quotes were just thrown in at some parts, but the essay flowed relatively well. In terms of style, the writing style was distinctive and creative when it came to switching up sentence structure so I would give it a 13. Support was strong and logical, with all quotes saying almost the same thing, so I'd give support a 32. The research was done in full. The conclusion summed everything up well so an 8 there and formatting and mechanics and revision time together get a 23.
ReplyDeleteI gave this essay a B+. For organization and focus I would give the student a 23 out of 25 because they had good transitions and each paragraph had a purpose but I think that their paragraphs could have been split up some more as they had huge blocks of text. For support I would give them a 28 out of 35. This Is because even though they had a lot of support that was pertinent to their topic, but didn't explain it very much. For style I would give them a 24/25 because they used a variety of good words throughout their essay, but there wasn't much of a personality. Conclusion did a good job of tying loose ends so I gave it a 10/10. There were a few errors in grammer and MLA formatting so Fomatting/Grammer was a 12/15. Revision/ Work Time is hard to judge from just the essay but I feel like some of the errors could easily have been caught with a quick skim so I only gave them a 9/10. Overall they got a 106/120 which is an 88.3%.
ReplyDeleteIts transitions are just words such as "despite, overall, furthermore..." They don't really transition very well in my opinion.
DeleteFirst of all, I must say, reading this paper was a brutal experience. I had a lot of trouble figuring out what they were trying to say in some parts, primarily due to awful punctuation and syntax. It did not integrate its first quote properly and with a topic sentence like, “The Dalai Lama believes that [...],” I instantly lost interest. Unfortunately for me however, my job was to to keep reading, not to like it. If I had to give this person a grade in style, I would give them a solid 17/25. I can not find any voice in this paper at all so I think I am being generous. For organization, I had no notable qualms with this paper. I would give it a 23/25 because it does digress a little from time to time but it comes back in. Although all of the necessary support is present, it is pretty lousy. It gives very generic and basic explanations to all of its quotes. I will give it a 32/35. As for the conclusion, I was displeased to say the least. It leaves the reader questioning why they did not stop reading prior to this paragraph and the is awful grammar throughout. The conclusion ends with a quote and does not explain a word of it. The reader will likely have forgotten the final sentence within an hour. I give the conclusion a 5/10. Grammatically, I have never seen a paper as bad as this one. Words appear to be missing, some are in the improper tense, in-text citations are missing in some places, and they even use an apostrophe for “its.” To some degree, it was in MLA so I will give it a formatting score of 9/15. Luckily for this student, they went to the Write Place, fixed a couple of things and was productive in class so I will give them a 9/10 in the work and revisions category. All in all, this paper was a 95/120. I gave this student a 79%, a C+.
ReplyDeleteI think this student wrote a very strong and put together essay that is well deserving of an A. The organization was appropriate throughout but the transitions were kind of weak, so I gave the author a 23/25 on this section. I thought the support in this essay was really good so I gave him a 33/35 for this section. I took off two points because so of the analysis could have been more detailed. The author had a really clear voice in the essay through their sentence structure and word choice. I didn't take off any points in the style section because they showed their personality in their essay. I really like the conclusion, and I gave them a 10/10 because it did its purpose of tying up all of the loose ends. The authors formatting was also pretty good so they didn't get points off in that section either. It seemed to me that they revised their essay as well, so I gave them full points for that. Overall I gave them a 116/120.
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