Read the Student Sample "Just Say No."
In 100-150 words please compare this sample to either summer essay 2 (the B essay) or summer essay 3 (the A essay).
Use information we discussed in class yesterday and today.
Topics you may address:
-which body paragraph was stronger?
-which was more convincing?
-which appealed more to you as a reader?
Make sure you use at least one piece of specific evidence and explain your answer fully.
You can receive extra credit by responding to another classmate's comment tonight!
This is due at the end of the period!
The essay "Just Say No" and the sample essay 2 are very different. Both essays have strong evidence but in the sample essay, there is less support, causing "Just Say No" to be much stronger and more convincing. The author of "Just Say No" uses information that is pure facts, and they integrate it well. The topic is also much more appealing because it is something high school students know more about and are more entertained by. In the article we read in class, it says that "[the quote] won‟t help your argument much if your reader doesn't know why it‟s important." In the sample essay, there is not much reason as to why we should believe them, but in "Just Say No" evidence is used that relates to high school students such as talking about studies and how people become addicted.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with the point that you are making in the idea that "Just Say No" provides support that a high school student can relate to and that pushes the argument to the next level. Reading an argument that you can relate to allows you at understand what is going on and what the author is trying to argue. When I read the summer reading essay I did not know what the author was talking about since I did not read Ten Again. If I had read that story then I probably would have known more about the hunting words and how they relate to the story that the author is analyzing.
DeleteDear Ms. Olivia, I totally agree with you. In the "Just Say No" essay, there was much much much more support from facts and scientific studies than in the other essay. Backing your writing up with facts from scientific studies like this makes it much more credible and believable as a reader, and definitely makes it much more persuasive.
DeleteI would compare the Just Say No student essay to the summer essay 3. The reason on why I would give this paper an “A” is due to the fact that within the introduction, it gave a little background knowledge to the reader if they did not know what Ritalin or Adderall did for the average person and why some high school students would take this medication even if they were not prescribed for it. I can also say that having such a well thought out introduction, that it made the rest of the paper flow better because you knew what the paper was going to talk about from the thesis in the introduction.
ReplyDeleteWhen comparing the student essay 3 and Just Say no, I believe that they both are A papers. In the student essay he or she gave a good amount of background for better understanding of the book and essay. In Just Say No, the introduction also give background about prescribed medications to improve academic performance. Throughout both essays evidence is provided to back up what the writer is trying to prove. This evidence was written smoothly, so it was easy to understand.
ReplyDeleteI think the essay in the book was very similar to summer reading essay 2. There were a lot of body paragraphs in the essay and I felt like, although she had a good argument, not every paragraph was very detailed. Many of them were short, just like summer reading essay 2. She used quotes, she did a good job supporting her argument, and she had a strong analysis in each paragraph, but many of her ideas got jumbled. I felt like she could’ve put more time into fewer paragraphs so they could be more informative and complete. Overall, the author could improve on explaining her ideas in each paragraph and keeping the essay unified by better relating the topic sentences to her thesis statement.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you. However, when you say that some of her paragraphs are short, I would include the idea that some of these shorter paragraphs do not have good analysis; although for the most part she does have strong analysis. I really enjoy how you transitioned from Just Say No to the summer reading sample. It flows very smoothly and gently brings your audience into discussing the new paragraph. I also agree that the topic sentences should better relate to the thesis in the student sample two. I also believe (in regards to the thesis and topic sentence in sample two) that "easy pace" (student) and "short and sweet" (student) don't necessarily go together, especially since I did not read Ten Again and I do not know exactly what they mean. Sometimes sentences that are "short and sweet" (student) can actually be seen as choppy and ending abruptly.
DeleteGood comment :)
I would compare the summer reading essay 3 and Just Say No, and I would give them an A. I think this because of the introduction and the amount of detail that it gives you about the medicines, and explains why they would take the medicines even if it wasn't prescribed to them. The intro really provides quality information about what the rest of the paper is going to be about, and you start to understand it before you even read the whole paper. It appealed to me because I am a student, and its common to hear about people using the medicine to help them improve in school, so it appealed to be more interesting.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Siobhan. I too found the introduction of both Sample 3 and Just Say No very good. The way that Just Say No tied in facts into their introduction for people who don't know much about abusing prescription medications. I also thought that the topic of Just Say No was much more appealing because it is easier for students to relate to.
DeleteIn regards to comparing essay 2's body paragraph and body paragraph 2 of Just Say No, I would say that Just Say No had a stronger argument. It used an example that is relate-able to the reader because we all have been tired when studying for a test/class at times. The example also goes into great depth and describes what happened to the Steven (the person in the example). In the body paragraph of the 2nd essay it just gives one short example and then describes it in a couple of sentences instead of going into great depth.
ReplyDeleteComparing the fourth paragraph in Just Say No to the body paragraph provided by sample student essay number three. First and foremost, the sample essay contained a transition, which is important to the paragraph, while the paragraph in Just Say No did not include a transition. Although it is not absolutely vital to a paragraph, it helps the coherence of the essay as a whole to use one. Continuing through the paragraphs, the sample student essay puts the quote into context more; however, Marta Ramos is so successful with her quote integration that the quote flows right with her writing. One can see this immediately when looking at her sentence "Current research suggests that study drugs can 'alter personality and constrain the very self that should be supported to live authentically'..." (Ramos 2). She goes on to analyze this quote and explain very well to her audience. Thinking about all of different aspects of both paragraphs, the one written by Marta Ramos is definitely the stronger paragraph and it is much more convincing.
ReplyDeleteIn comparing "Just Say No" to the third summer reading essay, I believe that the body paragraphs in "Just Say No" are further developed that the body paragraphs in the summer reading essay. In “Just Say No” there is a body paragraph using a real story of a person that took Adderall from the New York Times including details of how it affected his life while in the summer reading essay the author uses very descriptive words to support his or her analysis of Bellito’s diction. Both essays displayed convincing arguments and firmly got their point across, however, I feel like the personal example grabs the reader’s attention and brings them into the easy in turn making the argument stronger.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that in the paragraphs from "Just Say No" were more in depth and gave a better picture of what point the author was trying to get across. The use of the personal connections made it much easier to make connections and understand what the author was saying than in the third body paragraph.
DeleteBoth the student sample essay, "Just Say No" and body paragraph number three are similar and different at the same time. They are similar because in each essay, there are quotes provided that are properly cited, and after the quote, the author will give more analysis on the true meaning of the quote and why it was added into their paper. However, both of the papers are also different in the way that the paragraphs were overall set up. In "Just Say No", the paragraphs were more in depth and accurate because they were based off of people's real lives and that made it different than the third body paragraph. Although both were well written paragraphs, the paragraphs in "Just Say No" got the point across better due to the personal connections that were given.
ReplyDeleteI agree on this statement because in some cases a certain point can have two view points on it. Most essays use a counter point to help prove the point that they are trying to prove. I see what your saying on how they were different and how they were the same. In my statement I used the same points on the analysis with the quotes and the unity in the sentences.
DeleteIn comparing essay number 3 and the "Just Say No" essay, they both did an extremely great job at describing their stance and also maintaining unity within their paragraphs.i believe that the body paragraphs in "Just Say No" were stronger, particularly paragraph 2 because it provides the reader with a strong amount of evidence in order to persuade the reader into siding with their opinion. Personally the "Just Say No" essay appealed more to me as a reader because it gave the reader interesting facts to draw them into reading while also persuading the reader in a unique way.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with you on the fact that both the article and essay A did a good job with describing what side they were on and sticking to it. I feel that if they did not pick a side and were somewhere in the middle, their argument would loose its effectiveness. I also agree that the Article was so intriguing because of the interesting facts that drew me in as a reader.
DeleteWhile comparing they 'A' essay and the "just say no" essay, i realized they were both written smoothly and thoughtfully but they "just say no" essay was more specific as they gave more examples and reasons for why not to use thease drugs, for example they said that the problem with adderall is that after taking a certain dose for awhile it starts not to work and you have to keep taking more and more to still get the feeling witch is not good for your body to be overdosing to feel the same effect as you normally were feeling when you first started using it.
ReplyDeleteWhile summer essay number two was not, by any means, bad, the student sample essay, “Just Say No” had significantly stronger body paragraphs. The body paragraphs are all packed with facts while still remaining coherent. The purpose of the essay is clear: inform and persuade the reader to avoid using these academic enhancing drugs. Though the purpose in essay number two was clear, its explanation is very brief and feels rushed. The essay “Just Say No” explains its quotes perfectly with a thought out, insightful analysis. After inserting a quote that initially seemed confusing, the author Martha Ramos explained her reasoning and helped the reader follow her thought process. She says, “In other words, study drugs provide a false sense of self […]” (Ramos 2) By putting this statement into other words, it has a far greater impact on the reader. The reader can now understand how these drugs can be, unknowingly, detrimental to a student’s mind and is less inclined to experiment with them. It argues its claim far better than summer essay number two and has a much greater effect on the reader.
ReplyDeleteIn comparing the "Just Say No" essay to the second summer reading essay, the "Just Say No" essay was much stronger at supporting it's thesis. The "Just Say No" essay was trying to show the the apparent benefits of using study drugs don't outweigh the risks of using them. In the first four body paragraphs it describes how the drugs can negatively affect students. Then in the fifth paragraph, it describes the opposing viewpoint and why it is not valid. These body paragraphs all relate back to proving the thesis. But in the summer essay, the author's thesis of how Bellito's writing can affect theirs isn't supported well in the body paragraph. Even though it shows aspects of Bellito's writing it weakly ties it back into how they can try and copy this style. It doesn't do as good of a job at supporting the thesis as the "Just Say No" essay.
ReplyDeleteThe drug paper was more convincing in my opinion due to the fact that they used potential threats if you do you any drug to help for performance in school. I think the "Just Say No" one was stronger because of those threats to what would happen to you if you did use the drug for an extended amount of time. One particular time when this was shown was when they gave the example of the college student who started using drugs to help concentrate eventually had to drop out because of the drugs.The "Just Say No" article appeared more to me as a reader because it impacted me more as I am in high school, almost college, and am well aware of people around me using these drugs to help perform better in school. Knowing these potential effects of the drug makes me not want to try the drug out even less then i did before.
ReplyDeleteComparing the article “Just Say No” to essay A, I would say that the article is better then essay A for many reasons. One is that it has three different points in its thesis (How the drug works, negative affects, and how parents need to educate their kids) and the essay only has 2 points (syntax and diction). I feel that the more points you have, the better your argument is because of the added support you have to back your claim. But in a few instants essay A is better then the article. I would say that essay A’s intro and grabber are better because it intrigues the reader more by relating to their childhood. On the other hand, the article really doesn’t do a very good job grabbing the reader, instead it just gets right into the topic. I feel that the author of the article could have done a better job getting the reader interested in the topic if their grabber was stronger.
ReplyDeleteI also thought that the article was stronger than essay A. But I did think that the article had a great intro because it was a argumentative essay and they got right to the point, showing what they believed, and then following it with lots of strong evidence. While I really enjoy how the article gets right to the point, I understand how readers enjoy hooks, and that those can really make the reader more interested in the topic.
DeleteI feel like the argument in "Just Say No" was more persuasive than in summer essay 2. I think it was mostly more persuasive because of the subject matter. Since "Just Say No" is talking about drugs and trying to persuade students not to use study drugs such as Ritalin or Adderall. Since it is talking about such a sensitive topic, the writing seems to be more persuasive since there is more meaning behind it. In the summer reading essay, all they are talking about is simply the writing styles of an author, Mike Bellito.
ReplyDeleteThe article "Just Say No" was more appealing than essay 2. The article had better flow throughout the entire paper. The author, Marta Ramos, connected her ideas from sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph. Essay 2, however, seemed to be a bit more choppy and the ideas didn't flow together. Another reason why I liked Ramos' article better is because she is more specific in her analysis. She elaborates more in depth instead of just skimming over the surface like the author of essay 2 does. Lastly, in her introduction, Marta Ramos connects her hook, background information, and thesis seamlessly. The author of essay 2 is not able to effectively connect his/her hook with the background information and so on to the thesis. He/she jumps from the idea that "simplicity of the writing depends upon the writer" to "Micheal Bellito...showcases his detailed style while keeping things effortless" and then onto the thesis (Essay 2). The author never really explains to the reader how his hook, background information, and thesis tie in together. Without connecting his/her ideas, the essay doesn't flow easily and the reader may become disinterested.
ReplyDeleteOverall the "Just Say No" paper was much stronger "Essay A". It was stronger for a multitude of reasons. It had an interesting topic, explaining that students were using drugs to help study habits, while Essay A is simply saying what they enjoy about Michael Bellito's book, Ten Again. The paper dealing with drugs was also stronger because it had more points, allowing the writer to back up their thesis even more! It was very well written, and continued to make me want to read more about the statistics and different views, while still staying strongly to their side of the argument. While the essay was also well written, organized, it was just very repetitive. I may have a bias towards this assignment because I did write a paper similar to the essay, and already knew a lot of what the writer was about to say, while the drug paper was new and interesting to me. The drug paper was altogether a stronger paper in its word choice and topic, when compared to Essay A.
ReplyDeleteI liked both Sample 2 and Just Say No a lot. The one that appealed more to me however was Just Say No, mainly because it was on a topic that I am more interested about. I actually thought that Sample 2’s introduction was better than Just Say No’s. I felt like Sample 2’s introduction stayed more focused on just one part whereas in Just Say No the author went all over the place. They first started off with how a lot of students take this drug and then go into how these drugs might not even work to finally end with how the risks don’t outweigh the supposed advantages. On the other hand though I felt like Just Say No was overall more convincing than Sample 2 was. Sample 2 didn’t use enough analysis to explain what they were trying to say about Mike Bellito’s quotes. In this person’s writing they talk about the “burning leaves” and the “chill autumn air” but all they do to analyze that was say, “ this description allows the reader to feel how Bellito felt”. When they could have explained more about why Bellito might have picked “burning leaves” instead of “charred” or “singed”.
ReplyDeleteI think as a whole Essay A was strong but Just Say No was much stronger. Essay A just talks about what the student enjoyed about the book while including a background on the book. Just Say No was more detailed. It included information on why students used drugs for study habits and I personally think that is more intriguing to read about. There are more points and ideas given for the paper about drugs. The author made sure to stay with his/her side of the argument and tie all the facts and statistics back to the thesis. A reason why I think that I didn't enjoy the Essay A as much was because I had to write that say myself, so I wasn't all that interested. So I was very bias and was leaning towards learning something new. Essay A was a well written piece of writing but I was interested more in reading about something I have never read about. It was clear information, used good diction and syntax and generally flowed very nicely.
ReplyDeleteI think that the article "Just Say No" has aspects from both paragraphs but I would say that it more closely relates to essay 3 because it had strong evidence. Both of the essays follow a strong quote with a very solid analysis. I think that "Just Say No" has many more facts and is all around a stronger paper. By reading essay 3, you can tell that the writing sounds like it was written by a high school student, but "Just Say No" sounds more college or even written for a news article or taken out of a book. I enjoyed reading "Just Say No" more because it had a more interesting topic and the use of facts made it seem more credible which also made it more enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading through both essays, I think that "Just Say No" was a much stronger and more quality essay than Summer Essay 2. "Just Say No" includes much more detail and evidence for their argument while Essay 2 merely skims the surface. Another strength that "Just Say No" possesses is that Ramos includes a counter argument in her paper to explain why her reasoning is right and the opposite way of thinking is not, something that Summer Essay 2 failed to include. She explains how the counter culture that approves the use of study drugs propose the question "What if Adderall turns out to be the new coffee...?" (Ramos 2) and Ramos successfully explains to the reader how Adderall will not turn out to be the new coffee by saying "The answer to this question is simple..."(2). She makes it simple and clear as to why she is right, and this is the reason why "Just Say No" is overall a stronger and more quality essay.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. "Just Say No" is much stronger in detail and it has more support that Essay 2. Ramos does do a better job explaining and supporting her information, and including the counter argument made her opinion stronger. Her argument also benefits because of her simplicity in the way she states her side.
DeleteThe author of ‘Just Say No’ made the piece of writing more appealing than essay A. ‘Just say No’ make sures to add data that not only adds credibility, but also makes the reader more intrigued. Along with credibility, the author stayed on their side of the argument with proper data that supports their thinking. The writing as a whole was all connected with the thesis which allowed me to follow through very easily. I truly enjoyed reading ‘Just Say No’ because it provided very interesting facts and details, on the other hand essay A provides proper details, but doesn’t make the reader intrigued.
ReplyDeleteThe article, "Just Say No" was stronger and more interesting than essay A. Essay A was strong in the sense that it gave an example and used good diction, but "Just Say No" was more in depth about the topic and had more facts. Essay A was simply stating what the writer liked about Mike Bellito's The article "Just Say No" was also more of an interesting topic than essay A, which made it stronger in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteAfter carefully reading both essays, number three for the non-required piece, I find the flow in both pieces to be one of, if not the, best part(s) about the papers. When reading "Just Say No", the organization in each body paragraph not only makes the purpose very easy to follow but it also engages the reader into wanting to read on. This is because it provides clear understanding and analysis right after their presentation of facts as well as retain distinct coherence to the topic sentence. This can be said for the third essay as the author provides solid quotes to prove their thesis and topic sentence directly after creating near-perfect flow. Although many would argue that such a level of flow isn't as important of an aspect to highlight but what it comes with is the mastery of many other aspects such as good analysis, fitting diction, and pure organization that will easily raise grades and/or make the reader want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteWhen compared to Essay 2, "Just Say No" is much stronger. The body paragraphs are much more detailed with a wider variety of evidence throughout the writing. In addition to the evidence, the analysis is more focused and easy to understand. For example, in "Just Say No", the author's uses facts to show that there is little evidence to show that the drugs actually help, proving that the reward does not outweigh the benefit in a short, easily understood sentence. The author of Essay 2 does analyze their quote that supports his argument that Bellito uses short syntax, but does it in a way that is not as strong as the author of "Just Say No". Essay 2 doesn't completely connect their evidence back to the thesis as well. The author of "Just Say No" is able to express and prove their point in a more clear way.
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ReplyDeleteI read essay 2 B and overall my consensus is that the Just say no just blows the other essay out of the park. Just say no was loaded with very intresting facts and little tidbits that made it very persuading. Essay 2 Bs body paragraph was very very low on facts and was actually very boring to read. Comparing these two essays is really like apple to oranges because they are completely different. Essay 2B gives info but it is very limited as you are just allowed to choose info from one book. Just say no you have thousands of sources that you can pick and choose from, which allows the essay to be more vivid with info. Overall though Just say no really won it with me with being persuasive, really made me think about the abusive of study drugs. Overall all Just Say No would be an A and essay 2 maybe a B.
ReplyDeleteWhen compared to essay two, "Just Say No" seems to be much stronger from a reader's point of view. The author provides a lot of support that all ties back and connects to the thesis. The author of essay two supports his thesis as well but the descriptions of the quotes are bland and don't help the reader further understand the quote. In "Just Say No" the quotes are broken down by the author to make it easier for the reader to understand. After the quote about drugs causing alter personalities, the author analyzes the quote "in other words" which makes the proposed topic more convincing. Essay two was basically just facts with no real reasoning as to how they supported their thesis while "Just Say No" really went into detail and got their points across clearly.
ReplyDeleteIn the article "just say no" and "essay A" both stories are based on real life situations. However, I believe the thesis is better explained in the article " just say no than in "essay A". The author provides more supporting details and has stronger body paragraphs relating to the thesis. Also, the topic of "just say no" is a lot more clear than essay A. Both writings connected to the thesis well, but "just say no" did it better.
ReplyDeleteWhen comparing the article "Just Say No" and "Essay A", the first, although the wording wasn't as descriptive, got its point across in a much more drastic fashion. The thesis in the article "Just Say No" is far more clear, even using a credible source (Huffington Post) to argue in the authors favor. Going over every aspect of the argument is something "Essay A" fails to address. The one section where "Essay A" is stronger is the conclusion. It perfectly sums up what the essay was getting at compared to "Just Say No" where the article seemed to abruptly end.
ReplyDeleteThe difference between the "Just say No" to the Summer essay 3 was that, introduction wise, was that the "Just say No"'s purpose is to refute a statement, and the summer essay is to support a thesis they created. Both have an ok grabber, they support a lot of background info, and the thesis is pretty concentrated and tailored to what they want to accomplish in their paper. The conclusion of the third Summer essay has a restatement of the thesis, and it stays on the same level of what the intro accomplished. The conclusion of the "Just say No" is a different story. The paper doesn't support the point that "Colleges should make it clear to students that the use of study drugs is unacceptable and will not be tolerated" (423). This quote is mildly talked about in the intro as well, but is never talked about in the duration of the paper. The person's stand is quite evident though, and is seen throughout the paper.
ReplyDeleteI believe Just Say No was a better paper when comparing it to the summer Essay A even though 3 was still pretty good. Both are real life stories but Just Say No grabbed my attention just because of my interest level. Just say No had very good details of the cons why you should think twice before taking this type of medication. I find it more appealing knowing about some drug that people take to focus than what people read over the summer. Because Just Say No was more appealing I think it would also make it more convincing due to focus level on the papers.
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